Closing a Chapter

Seth was 31, I was 29 when we got married.  We knew that we wanted to start a family right away.  I mean come on, we were not spring chickens, we knew we didn't have time to wait.  I  had never thought that it might not happen right away.  After a year and no baby, we decided to go to a fertility specialists.  We worked with Dr. Steinkampf for the next year doing all kinds of procedures. There were many tears, emotional roller coasters, talking about my infertility issues way too much to anyone who would listen, getting angry when I would hear about someone dumping a baby in the dumpster and oh, my poor husband.  I don't think I could have gone through this with anyone else.  He is an amazing person who always had his faith, plus mine, when I had none.  Finally, We found out I was pregnant.  We were the two happiest people on earth.  I continued working during the pregnancy at Parisian.  Two weeks before my due date, my water broke.  The labor and delivery nurses said that I was the happiest pregnant woman they had ever seen.  I knew that I was about to begin the job I had always wanted. 
Laurel was born on August 8, 2003

I was the happiest mom.  Laurel was the best baby and my world was consumed with her.  Then I remember the roller coaster ride starting again.  What if she was it?  What if I would not be able to give her a sibling?  After months of trying on our own, we returned to Dr. Steinkampf.  So much was going on in our lives at that time.  We were planning a move to Utah and in the meantime we were house sitting for some friends.  I was anxious because I wasn't pregnant yet and we were moving to another state.  I knew that I would have to find a new fertility specialists.  I was scheduled for a surgery on a Friday and I found out that Monday that I was pregnant!  We were so excited.  We moved out to Utah, I found a great doctor and we had Savannah on November 17, 2005.

We were so happy!  I loved being a mother to two sweet girls.  I loved living around family for the first time in years.  It was a great year and a half, but then we decided to move back to Alabama when things did not work out with Seth's job.  We had held onto some land that we planned on building  a house on.  So, that is what we did.  We were living life, building a home and enjoying our daughters.  We knew we wanted more children and we had figured out by this time that we just were not that couple that could say, " hey, you want to have a baby by next summer?"   So, we went back to Dr. Steinkampf and what seemed liked an eternity to me, I was finally able to get pregnant.  Landon was born on June 20, 2009.

I felt so blessed.  I was the mother of three beautiful children.  I was 38 when I had Landon.  Seth and I felt complete.  Then, when Landon was 8 months old, Seth looked at me and said, "maybe you should go back to Dr. Steinkampf and have that dye shot through your tubes again."  (and yes, it is just as painful as it sounds!) 
I said, "have you lost your mind?!?  I thought we were complete." 
He said, "wouldn't it be great if Landon had a little brother?"
Me, "well, what if it is a girl?"
Him, "well, I will take another sweet, little girl."

Me, I dropped the conversation.  Can you believe it, I was speechless!

Months go by, comments are made about a fourth child.  Like, " I just think if we had not had fertility issuses, we would have had four children."  And, he was right.  I always thought four children would be perfect. 

Then one night, we were saying our prayers and he prayed out loud for a fourth child!
He ended the prayer and I said, "wow, you are really serious?" 

The emotions started welling up.  It wasn't that I didn't want a fourth child it was the whole process of going back through fertility and what if I couldn't give us another baby.  I was worried because I was turning 40.  Of course Seth worked his charm there and let me know that I didn't look 40.  He even came home with a statistic that more 40 year olds are having babies now than 20 year olds. 

He called me one afternoon this past December and said, "our insurance is changing, so if you are going to have the dye procedure you need to schedule it before January."  Yep, thanks Obama!

So, we talked and I said, "I will have this one procedure done.  And we can try through March and after that we need to close this chapter."  He agreed.  We knew we had this one last chance.  It's not like we could wait a few years to discuss having a fourth child.  Unfortunately age moves forward, not backwards.

So Seth and I went to Dr. Steinkampf.  I think he was a little shocked to see us.  He has five children of his own so he completely understood.  He told me that I hold the record for the most return visits.  Oh well, I guess it's nice to hold the record for something, right?
I said, "okay, this is the deal.  We are going to try until March and then we are closing the chapter."
He said, "well, Mrs. Clayton, you aren't giving me very long."
So, I had the dye procedure by the end of December.
Me, of little faith, just did not think it would happen by March.  It had never happened that quick before.  We were all praying.  Seth and I were fasting. 

Prayers were answered!  We found out right before Valentine's Day that I was pregnant.  The whole family went to Dr. Steinkampf's office yesterday for the ultrasound.  We are beyond excited!  Dr. Steinkampf met all of our children that he had a part in getting here to this earth.  He hugged each one and then he hugged me.  I thanked him for all he had done for our family.  We said our goodbyes.  I feel so blessed to be a mother to these sweet children.

Baby Clayton is due October 23, 2011